I think I finally understand.
I never needed to understand.
I have finally found the answer.
I had never needed to search for it.
It had sought me all of my life.
I am found when I was best-hidden.
I wanted no God, no savior.
I wanted oblivion, the freedom of death.
I needed liberation from my thoughts.
I needed cold nothingness to replace my memories.
I did not in the least part desire God.
I knew confirmation of God would bring responsibility.
I could not deny the truth.
I reconciled with the One for Whom
I had harbored the utmost contempt.
I wept beyond my flesh, beyond my soul.
I saw the sorrow of His heart.
I knew it as my own sorrow.
I wept with Him.
I was suddenly required to live.
Now it’s all about Him.


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